im a half filipino and half filipina

me: ma'm could you please look for the icon of your anti-virus software at the lower right portion of your screen, next to the clock.
cust: where's the clock?
me: ma'm it's located at the lower right portion of your screen.
cust: where's the lower right portion?

GRRRRRRRRRRR!

from: catchthatstar

-------------------

after opening spiel:

agent: how may I address you?
cust: 1217 apt #3 rose drive, florida
agent: any nickname, ma'am?

(okay...)

from: sunshine892

--------------------

after giving the troubleshooting steps, cust became non-responsive, SOP says we need to ping 3x before giving the non responsive spiel:

agent: were you able to do the troubleshooting steps, katie?
cust: ......

after two minutes,

agent: are you still there?
cust: ......

after two minutes,
agent: katie, are you there?
cust: no...

waaaaa, multo!!!!!!!!

from: sunshine892

--------------------

after customer gave a telenovela explanation of his issue,
agent: i see...
cust: what do you see???

from: sunshine892

--------------------

agent: which windows operating system are you using on your computer?
cus: windows office XP 2000

huh???!!!???



from: sunshine892

--------------------

me: yes sir, there is a transaction fee for the balance transfer, and that would be 3%.
cust: 3%?! ***** ang laki naman!

cust: so, what's your nationality
agent: well sir, i am a half filipino, half filipina.
cust: oh, ok..

me: would you like to add that amount?
cust: yes! and add three bottles of champaign too!
( sir, credit card po kami, hindi wine shop)

from: shiesha

------------------

ako naman inbound account ng airline sa us

me:may i have your reservation number?

cust:it's JLVGF8.

me: can you please spell that out like J for Juliet or something?The line is kinda fuzzy(in my most irate tone)

cust: ok its J as juliet, L asi n Larry, V for victor,G for golf, F for frank and the letter 8

me: what do you mean letter 8?

cust(irate): the LETTER 8!as is 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8!!!

me(in a very sarcastic tone): Oh, you mean the NUMBER 8!!!!

cust: yeah(sounding sheepish), sorry.

from: muffya

----------------

CX: (irate effect)Your company sucks...i'm going to sue your company...(suddenly the cx sstrated to curse the female agent...sorry for this one but it really need to be mention to get the story).....F*CK Y*O....F*CK Y*O. . .
CSR: Sir no please

from: feidenf

------------------

CX: Please hold on, I'm looking through my statement.
CCR: Yes ma'am, I'm just here.
(CCR heard a bird in the background)
CCR: Oh you have a pet bird ma'am?
CX: Yes I do! How did you know?
CCR: I can hear the tweet-tweet!

from: hanstweet

you can't correct am i connect?

nako,,, we have different kinds of bloopers on floor!! hahahaha!!
this is so funny!!

story #1
agent: before we proceed,i need to have some information bout you..so can i have your billing address please?

cust:[dictating her address very fast] 5687 gruda st. apartment number 11A -------- rhode island

agent: (because of confussion he ask).. ooohhh.. im sorry ms cust i wasnt able to get the last part..mmm...was that a ROAD or an ISLAND??



from: uRprincess

--------------------

agent: Thank you for choosing company, my name is...how may i help you?

caller: son(sweet old american lady), help me!!! There's a SHARK inside my computer, oh my god, its getting nearer and nearer! it'll bite me!!!

...it turned out that she's looking at the screen saver of her computer... hehehe

from: atomica

-------------------

tsr: now, I want you to press F2 as soon as you see the D**L logo.

cust: ok...

cust: nothing's happening..

tsr: tap on it a few times..

cust: nothing's happening..

tsr: make sure that's F2 you're pressing ok..

cust: yeah, I'm pressing the letter F and the number 2 at the same time..

from: blue_oranges

------------------

echnical support for desktop computers, old lady ang customer, tungkol sa optical mouse niya...

CUSTOMER: my mouse is not working, it doesn't have a "ball."
TECH: your mouse is an optical mouse, that's why it does not have a ball.
CUSTOMER: no! you don't understand, my mouse is not working, it does not have a "ball."
(old lady could not understand what an optical mouse is so the tech spent about 30 minutes on her just trying to explain why her mouse does not have a "ball.")
TECH: ma'am, may i place you on hold for a minute to...
(TECH places the customer on hold, then takes a deep breath out of frustration, then goes back to the customer)
TECH: thank you for holding ma'am, the reason your mouse does not have a "ball" is your mouse is a FEMALE mouse. Since it's a FEMALE mouse, it's a SUPERIOR mouse. It does not need to have a "ball."
CUSTOMER: oh! i understand now. well why didn't you say so right away!? ...

from: lolo_inosentes

-----------------

cust called in to cancel vision & vcommand

ccr: thank you for calling.....this is......how can i help you today?

cust: hi this is mrs. smith i just want to take off the vision & vcommand

ccr: i can help u w/ that may i ask for ur phone # blah blah blah

ccr: ok ma'am i already take off the features on your plan is there anything else? (eto na....hahaha)

cust: WHAT?!? ur taking off my pictures?! don't you ever take that off! (anong pictures? di naman ako bisaya)

nag freak out ang cust nung maliwanagan di pictures kundi features tawa sya ng tawa

from: cvgally21

------------------

me : can i ask for your security question?
cx : go ahead
me : WHERE is your mother's maiden name?
cx : its between her first and last name
me : thank you so much for the info.

tas hold ko xa tas super tawa kme nung mga ofcm8s ko na nakarinig hahahhaa!

from: bronxdude

--------------------

agent: let me see if i understand your issue correctly, you can't correct am i connect?

from: catchthatstar

im calling on behalf of the Phils.

me: thank you for calling De*L blah blah blah...
cust: yeah, im having problems with my PC... blah blah blah...

me: ok lets fix up your issue here... Kindly do this and "press any key" to boot from CD.
cust: ahh.. i missed it... where's the "press any key" in my keyboard?!

from: ds30

--------------------

This is form my officemate..

tech: thank yo ufor callin'.... (cust butts in irrately)
Cust: Why my keyboard is not arrange in alphabetical order?!

What the...?!

from: ds30

--------------------

My officemate who was already half asleep....

"Hello, this is (name) and I'm calling on behalf of the Philippines."

Sabi pa ng tinawagan: "You're calling me in behalf of WHAT!?"

Ikaw ba naman tawagan ng isang bansa diba? Hehehe!

from: agentmori

--------------------

This has got to be one of the funniest things I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have
been promoted, not fired.

This is a true story from the "WordPerfect Helpline" which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations).

"Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when
it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the
back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power...a power failure?... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then
take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too damn stupid to own a computer."

from: boy_tumador

--------------------

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She couldnot print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges.I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting,I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when sheasked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"

from: boy_tumador

--------------------

tech: sir can we make sure all the windows are closed
cust: ok, can i put the phone down?
tech: sure sir..

cust: ok i've closed all the windows in my house... what's next?

from: bluegal_27

----------------------

CUST: the item code is r4m888
REP : Im sorry what's that again?
CUST: R4M888
REP : uhmm.. uhmmm is it M... M as in eMbrella..?!

from: candy_kulet

--------------------

the customer was irate and ranting and she's not listening perhaps...

csr: "MA'M, I AM YOUR FRIEND, I AM NOT YOUR ENEMY!"

tumahimik ung floor and then nagclap ng hands lahat!

from: gracey_12

--------------------

ech: Thank you for calling America Online, my name is Rick, how can I help you.

Customer: My screen is very fuzzy and out out focus. It was fine yesterday, but a download from your company caused this.

Tech: Well lets check a few things on your computer.

Customers Wife in the Distance: Dam it Jim, you've got my reading glasses again. Use your own.

Customer: Opps, sorry my fault, bye.

from: natural joe

do you have a pen and a pencil?

ech: thank you for calling.... may I have ur name pls.

cust: dan alvarez

(troubleshoot)
tech:...

cust:...

after several minutes of doing chkdsk /r

tech: are you done sir?
cust: nope..
.
.
tech:are you done?
cust: nope
.
.
tech:are you done?
cust:why do you keep on asking if i'm DAN....I'M DAVID, DAN IS MY DAD!!!

from: hack_you

--------------------

This one I just heard from a friend...

CX: I'm just wondering what these shiny circle thingies are...
TECH: Sir, those are compact discs and you'll need them to install a few programs in your computer. I'll be guiding you through the installation process, now I need you to place that on the CD drive....
CX: I don't know where it is...
(TECH explains how to locate the drive)
.... yes, that's the one which appears like a platform with a hole in the middle.
CX: oh... you mean the mug holder?



Isa pa.... (same friend dealing with a Chinese customer)

TECH: I need you to right click on My Computer icon...
CX: yes, I click....
TECH: then you'll have to select Properties
CX: no, I don't see properties...
TECH: sir, you should have seen the menu pop out and you'd find properties at the bottom part of the box
CX: no, no menu. i click on icon, yes?
TECH: No sir, I need you to right click on the icon...
CX: yes, I click, right? I click. program opens, no properties.

from: oneshot

---------------------

directory assistance me eh

me: im sorry ma'am but im not pulling up a listing for that exact match in my database. not even for the address

caller : can u give me credit for this call?

me: (checking service provider id) im sorry ma'am but youre using a payphone. i cant give u credit for this call

caller: i paid a goddamn dollar and fifty for this call! i want it back!

me : well i cant make the coin go out of the phone ma'am

caller : i want my dollar and fifty!!!!

me: (exasperated) please hold for the coin.

from: tamizzz

--------------------

CSR: So, you want to reset your password? Is this correct?

Cust: Yes.

CSR: Would you like to set your own password or would you like me to give you a generic password.

Cust: Uhmm.. just give me a generic one.

CSR: Alright. I have reset your password. Your new password will be... let me spell it out for you. That's K as in Kilo ... A as in apple....M as in mama.... O as in October..... T as in tango.... and E as in Echo

Cust: "Kamowt?" (kamowt in American accent-- kamote in Pinoy). That's a cool password. I'll never forget this. All right. Everything is working.

from: driven

--------------------

rep: can you spell out your name, please?

CX: yes, my name is Cathy, that's C as in Kite --

(in the background, her boyfriend yells: "C as in Kite? What the h**l was that about?")

CX: oh, i'm sorry, that's C as in Cake....

from: issey27f

--------------------

common na tlaga minsan key spelling errors, tuliro na agents pag ganyan. hehehe. sa agent ko:

tech: "ok sir, do u have a pen and a pencil ready?"

ako, narinig ko kc ktapat ko station: "what?!"

tech: "oh, im sorry sir, do u have a pen and a ballpen ready?"

mejo matagal namin sha pinagtawanan. hehe

from: camron

------------------

me: mam please look at the back of your modem and check if you have the ethernet cord conencted.

cus (ms fordham): the what? (with alabama accent)

me: yung yellow cord

from: blue_shades

---------------------

cus: i have problems connecting.
agent: ok let me help you. Please click on the start button and run!

cus: huh? why do I have to run!

grrrrr!!!!!

from: urlover

---------------------

mine naman, medyo shunga-shunga yung caller

cust: i have a problem with my internet, i cant connect
me: what is your connection, is it a dial-up or a dsl
cust: its a dial-up
me: when did you tried connecting
cust:just now while talking to a friend
me:how many phons do you have
cust:just this one
me:have you tried connecting while not using your phone
cust: do i need to do that
me: yes sir because your connection is dial-up (leche tangengot!)

from: junjon

----------------------

i got this one from a friend

customer: so do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?
csr: sir the package has been deliverd and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule.

ineng, parang baligtad ata... hehe

from: anne_373

---------------------

here are some good ones... pang-outbound nga lang:

call center agent: Good morning. This is [name] with [company]. May I please speak with Mr. Mike Jones?

operator of called company: Oh, he's deceased.

call center agent: Should I just call back for him then?



agent: i was hoping you can take this survey with me. would you have the time to do that sir?

contact: how long is this going to take?

agent: mga three minutes.



agent: hi. this is [name] with [company]. I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please.

contact: he's not in. would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?

agent: sure, sige.


from: dindi

Y as in Wyoming?

Agent: Sir, Is that Y as in Wyoming?
American caller: U sure, coz the last time I checked Wyoming starts w/ a W.

from: livs

-------------------

ME : May I have the service tag please?

Chinese/Korean Customer : Ok the service tag is 1-B-S-R-"Yi"

ME : Ok. So That's number 1. And then B as in Bravo. S as in Sierra. R as in Romeo and is the last character a number three??

Customer : No! No! That is Letter Yi!

ME : Uhh .. ok. Is that a Letter C? As in Charlie? Or Cat?

Customer : No! No! Letter Yi! Like Yu! Yu!

ME : Letter T? Like Tree? Or Two??

Customer : No! No! Letter Yi! YI!!!! Like Yu! You know, with the animals!

ME : OHHHHH!!! A LETTER Z!!! AS IN ZOO! With the animals!!

Customer : YES YES!! You got it!

-------------------

I heard from my ofcmates
There is an Inidan customer named Shakira
CSR: Can you please spell out your name?
Shakira: ok,..it is S as in Shakira
H as in Hakira
A as in Akira
K as in kira
I as in Ira
R as in Ra
A as in A
HEHE

from: spadia

--------------------

this happened while we were on our pre-live days....

CSR: thank you for calling #$%$#^%^%## my name is #@$@$ may i have your mobile number?

CUST: ***********

CSR: how can i help you today?

CUST: i would like to pay my bills

CSR: i would first like to verify some information...your name ma'am? and your cc number? .......and just to verify ma'am, you are in the state of missouri (ANG PAGKAKAPRONOUNCE ng agent ay MISERY)

natawa nalang ung customer.. naaliw siguro..

from: mintfreak

------------------

Wala pa namang call that time, yung co-CSA ko binigyan ako ng gum. Sa malas biglang may dumating na call ...

Me: sh*t ka, ang asim pala nito.

Client: What are talking about? Im here to blah.blah.blah!

from: krazie21

-------------------

May kausap akong Indian client that time, eh, mejo pre-occupied ako ng ibang bagay. I kept on saying to him that the problem is on bangladesh, eh sa Indonesia pala tumatawag. Sabi ba naman saken, "I think you have a boyfriend in Bangladesh" sabay tawa. Chismoso!

from: krazie21

-------------------

Nangyari ito sa co-agent ko last sunday (August 15):

CX: So, what's your ethnic origin (basta something to this effect... nakalimutan ko na yung exact na tanong).

TS: I'm an asian...

CX: Oh... in Asia. Well, Kung Hei Fat Choi!

Happy New Year... ayos!

from: kikkoman

--------------------

Tech Sup: Sir, can you tell me what you see on the monitor?

Cust: Nothing! It's all black!

Tech Sup: Sir, is the monitor on?!

Cust: Yes!

Tech Sup: (Duda kung on nga) Sir, do you see a power button on the monitor? Can you please push that button?

Cust: (Silence) Oh! Everything is okay now.

from: driven

msn in internet explorer

Actual c0nversati0n sa isang technicaL acc0unt sa C-Cubed (Cust0mer C0ntact Center) habang nakabarge sa bidang agent na it0 yung seni0r rep ng team
niLa:

TSR: 0kay sir, Let's check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w...
CUST: yes... (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0... )
TSR: type in www.yahoo.com
CUST: what? yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... yahoo.com...
CUST: yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... com... C-O-M
CUST: cot?
TSR: (asar na) .com sir!
CUST: aahhh... yahoo.cot.
----------------------------------
TSR: It's C as in CAT.
CUST: what?
TSR: C as in CAT. C-A-T... me0w me0w...
(ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets...)!
----------------------------------
CS: Thank you for calling... this is Candy, how may I help you?
Cust: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
CS: No, sir, it's Candy...
Cust: Sorry, can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir... Candy... as in Storck!!!
(oohhh... now I get it!!!)
----------------------------------
CS: Was that a "B" as in boy or a "B" as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm... how about "B" as in boy...
(good choice...)
----------------------------------
CS: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!... Gusme... Gon't gou get git?)
----------------------------------
CS: Yeah, sir... sir... are you there?
Cust: Yes, yes, I'm there!
(siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter...)
----------------------------------
CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?
Cust: Huh?... Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here...
(... makes sense to me!!!)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Cust: What?!!
TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir... Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?...
(klap! klap! klap!)
----------------------------------
ethernet cord connected???...
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with alabama accent)
TS: Yung yellow cord, mheem...
(oh-oow ngee nehmeeennn..)
----------------------------------
CS: ...That's E as in I-KOW... (echo)
(oki lang yan, Dong...)
----------------------------------
CS: Come again, sir?!!!
Cust: Oh sure, baby!!!
(negro siguro kausap neto...)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir, this is ano... what you'll do... you have to type the ano...the command run and ano...
(...teypows enow???)
----------------------------------
Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?
CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule...
(... I can PEEL it!!!)
----------------------------------
CS: I w! as hoping you can take this survey with me... Would you have the time to do that, sir?
Contact: How long is this gonna to take?
CS: Mmm.. MGA three minutes....
(ay shyet!!!)
----------------------------------
CS: ...I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please???
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
CS: Sure, SIGE...
(ay shyet, ulet!!!)
----------------------------------
local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas...
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman...
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...
CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!
(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote... tsk, tsk, tsk...)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir... Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?...
(... lemme try...)
----------------------------------
Cust (US): So how's the weather there?
CS: Well... it's kinda cloudy today, sir...
Cust: Oh really?!!!... So where are you located?
CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!...
(... dats nir Mexico...)
---------------------------------
TS: Alright, we're going to perform a checkdisk... that is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it.please type in C-H-K-D-S-K...
Cust: What is that again?
TS: C-H-K-D-S-K... that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly... D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly...
(gleng-gleng... bagong version...)


Note: from someone named 'Hanz'.